He was special– or, you know what? In some ways, he is still special. Your time with him was full of incredible lessons that made you love yourself better. Of course, he was not the first person you’ve ever loved but it takes a good amount of broken hearts before you wake up.
That’s exactly this guy.
He could be a very charming guy…
He could be very kind…
He could probably have an amazing look…
Pretty much what you thought could be yours. Pretty much “The One”.
This person is exactly who you thought was worth knowing, be someone you could love, you thought you don’t deserve and you’d never thought you’d fall for or just one of those.
At some point, you thought the both of you were “taking it slow”. And fool enough, you thought you were the one that “know” him better than anyone, you thought you’re the one “controlling the game” oh hell, what does that even mean?
You thought of every possible explanation, ideas, theories inside your head when it comes to his lack of effort, it didn’t seem crazy back then because your heart was full of love & hope. You want it to be something, maybe even ‘a game’ was better for you than ‘nothing’. So, you ‘played’ along. You’re giving your best while still telling everyone he is your ‘friend’ with a smitten smile.
Your actual friends were staring at you from distance. They shook their head, “She can fool us how she wants but we know she is fooling herself.” but they forgot that you were also blind.
One day, in his bed, 4 AM in the morning when you’re dead curious… You asked him, that one question that would bring the both of you to the next level. He looked at you and smile, your pupils dilated… Your hearts full.
He said, “You’re not the only one I’m sleeping with.”
Your heart shredded.
He added, “Don’t worry, it’s just the two of you”
Your heart, it’s somewhat undetectable. Did it skip a beat?
You, being you, you smiled at him– looked at the ceiling and said casually, “Of course.”
You hide it over and over again. Still looking for an explanation, you said to yourself– “Maybe I can change him.”– because you were showering him with love, oddly, you were so sure that it was only you giving that to him.
Something like that, no one ever gave it to him. No one.